Staying Connecting to your Spouse

I love it when God teaches me life lessons from movies.  The other night I watched one which was truly a wake-up call!  It was called ‘At Middleton’ and is a wonderful demonstration of a problem that occurs in many marriages, especially with couples with an only-child.  It depicts two families where the mom and daughter of one and the father and son of another meet during a College orientation visit.   It soon becomes apparent that these families have allowed their respective children to become the centre of their marriage and had lost all connection with their spouses.  The classic ‘Empty-Nest’ syndrome is bad enough as it is, without feeling like you are left living with a stranger.  Therefore I believe it is vital to stay connected to your spouse – by making time for each other, especially where your focus is not just about the children, and where your conversations don’t just revolve around them.  Spend time together once the kids have gone to bed to catch up with one another about each other’s day and share intimate things that goes beyond just the daily life-living yes and no answers.  As for me, I love cuddling up on the couch with my hubby, watching a movie together, sharing a bowl of popcorn, and then discussing the movie in full detail afterwards.  It’s amazing how different a person’s perspective is when you care enough to share your opinions.  So often we get caught up just asking surface questions that don’t allow the opening up and sharing of our emotional core – I truly believe it's in all that touchy, feeling stuff where true connections occurs.  Even as you grow and change in your life and marriage, we need to allow our spouses to join in our growth adventure, so he can get to know the real, authentic you... and visa versa.  So often we criticize them for not being the man that we married anymore, while forgetting that we are no longer the same person that they married.  I think it is a good and normal thing to change, and hopefully improve as we get older.  So as I personally take up this challenge to try and stay connected to my husband and show an interest in what interests him, I am investing in a long marriage of growing old together... and making sure we survive beyond my daughter's University or College years!!

Living like a Jelly-fish...

As a bonafida control-freak, I have often found that God seems to orchestrate my life where all my lengthy research, planning and organizing has to be thrown out the window, usually at a moments notice! The lesson I've gotten from this, is that God obviously doesn't want us to be in such control of our lives, that there is no need to trust Him.  I find it very difficult to go-with-the-flow, where the need to adapt and to be flexible is required.

I've found that when I try to maintain a tight reign on our life, my expectations get too high and ridgit. At times like these, I find it helpful to imagine myself like a jelly-fish, floating aimlessly across the sea, going where the tides of life take me, and most of all, enjoying it! When our expectations are lessened to the degree of acceptability, we can be better positioned to be surprised, delighted and grateful when things turn out better than we expected! So if your control on your life is ruining it, then start behaving like a floating jellyfish, with no worries and see where God will take you....

Storms of Life

As I read and hear about the horrendous storms battering my ex-home town in Scotland, I am reminded about the spiritual lessons that storms can teach us. Personally, as I sit here enjoying the calming sunshine of sunny Cape Town, it feels like I too am experiencing my own sort of storm - not the physical weather kind, but more in a spiritual sense.  I feel myself battered by the gales of disappointments and discouragement, wondering how much more I can withstand. The hail stones of challenges and obstacles are coming against me in all directions, and I too, like the fishermen of Bible days, find myself wondering why God has forsaken me.  I know He hasn't, but it sure feels like it at times!  Two months on, and we are still without a tenant, our house being succumbed by its own storm damage, our boxes not even having left Scotland yet, and our attempts at buying a car met with one 'sold' after another! It is difficult to trust God in lifes storms when nothing is making sense, but I take my encouragement from the fact that no matter how fierce the storm, they do always come to an end; seasons do always change and if I just keep myself anchored in my trusting faith in a God who controls all things, I can wait it out in safety, hopefully without too much damage...

A New Year Challenge

I was blessed with a very profound, beautifully written book for Christmas from my sister, called 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp. The message is meant to be life-changing, and one I intend to adopt for 2014!  Although it is a familiar lesson of becoming more grateful, much like Oprah Winfrey's Gratitude Journal, the challenge is to pay attention, record all the things you love, or perceive as gifts or blessings, and then to express your gratitude and thanks for them on a daily basis.  What this is meant to achieve is to make you realise that everything in your life is a blessing, whether good or bad. It has the power to change your perspective on things and erases all that whining, complaining and negativity from your life.  So much in our life we take for granted, expecting so much more than we often deserve, but when we focus our hearts on always being thankful, we will truly see God's grace in action. From a Biblical perspective, thankfulness precedes the miracles we hope for and is guaranteed to bring joy to your life. It is the means of living in the moment and experiencing a full, content life.

So in addition to wishing all my family and friends a Happy New Year, I also challenge you to start your own list of all the things you love...  I am excited to start this journey of developing the habit to become more thankful and I look forward to the joy it will bring to my life!

Christmas - Spend and Feast...

I hate this time of the year - not because I hate Christmas, but because I hate what it has become - A frantic, guilt trip of excessive present buying and the over-indulging of excessive amounts of food!  I wish Christmas could go back to being a time when it was all about spending time with family and remembering the birth of Jesus, when the presents that were given, were small, needed items or were often handmade with love.  I fear that Christmas has caused children to become greedy, 'want-some', spoilt brats, and whether it's Santa or the parents who get the thanks, it is seldom appreciated. 

Cooking the Christmas meal should be a joint affair, much like the Thanksgiving spreads we see displayed in Hollywood movies, where everyone brings a dish to contribute, thus making it less of a stressful ordeal for the host.  It should not be about how much food we should have, but possibly just a few luxury items that one doesn't normally eat.  And don't get me started on the Christmas crackers - why do we insist on buying them every year, when we know how lame the toys and jokes are.  Every year I promise myself to make some with better fillers, used with toilet roll inners and left over Christmas paper, but every year, I never do, and I doubt this year will be any different...

Sigh... If only Christmas could be more about Jesus, family, friends and fun, and less about the spend and feast!!

Consolidating your Compass & your Clock

As I prepare myself mentally for the coming New Year, I am acknowledging my problem in achieving my dreams is due to many things... The explanation of this title is bringing together where you want to go, in the limited time you have available. I know for myself, I love to procrastinate, so any tips I can learn about better time management, I'm all ears! Some of my other problems is a lack of time and a poor determination to achieve results.  David Jeremiah shared a wonderful illustration about our priorities and how to get more out of our day. He said that if you had a jar and put in all the big priorities (like God, family, friends, work etc) represented as rocks, you would have time for all the less important priorities (like entertainment, hobbies, cleaning, self etc), represented by sand.  But if you filled your day in reverse, you would find you don't have the space, hence time, for all the important things (rocks) that really do matter! So next time I find myself complaining that I have no time, or I am too busy, I intend to analyse my rocks and my sand... David also suggests carrying around a rock as a visual reminder, which I will also be doing!

Possessions

Having recently sold all our material possessions and given our stuff, not to the poor, but to our family and friends, it has made me re-evaluate my hold on 'stuff'!  So much of what we own are material comforts that so we often take for granted until we are forced to live without it. Sitting on a couch or sleeping in a bed are two luxuries I have a new found respect and appreciation for. Other possessions which held memorable attachments to the giver of the item were harder to let go of, but I believe that everything sentimental are memories to be held in your heart and not towards the item itself. When we get too attached to things, we become bound to them.  I can testify that releasing our lives from possessions is an extremely liberating experience.  When I watch these TV programs about people who have problems with hoarding, I realise how fortunate I am not to have that addiction. Our value and worth should never be put on what we own, wear, drive or live in.  Our identity is in who we are on the inside, and that includes our memories.  Yes, it is great to enjoy comfortable possessions, but our freedom lies in being able to easily say goodbye to them when we need to...