Mother's Day Musings

In honour of all the perfectly imperfect Mothers around the world, who celebrated Mothers Day on Sunday, like South Africa, I hope that these musings will leave you feeling encouraged and proud to be a Mom...

I woke up on Sunday to a beautifully, heartfelt digitally made e-card from my teenage daughter. It made me smile knowing that only a few days before, we were each other's worst enemy. Although I didn't get any breakfast in bed, her expressions of love and gratefulness meant a lot.

The truth is that loving a teenager can often be hard, and although it is suppose to be unconditional, there are still days when she pushes my buttons a bit too deep, that I fantasise about running away or God forbid, strangling her in frustration.

Thankfully, it is with God's grace that I get a new opportunity each morning to try and be a better Mother, and on days when I fail miserably, He also gives me the strength and courage to apologise and to try again. Note that I said better and not best, as I don't believe we could ever do this job perfectly, because in reality, we are only human.

And whilst there may be many Super-moms out their raising their team of kids, who make the job look easy and effortless, there are just as many of us who struggle and sometimes even question God's wisdom in making us Mothers in the first place, or giving us the children He did. To those moms, I urge you not to compare yourself or allow guilt and condemnation to down play the amazing job that God has entrusted you with.

We can only set ourselves free from these negative feelings, when we realise that Gods's plan for Motherhood was for it to refine us and make us a little bit more like Jesus, and our specific child or children were carefully chosen just for us, for this very purpose.

One of the fears I have as a Mother, is that I have not raised my daughter well enough to be a well-adjusted, functional, responsible, good person adult. That how she turns out will be a reflection of all my failed moments that will come back to haunt me with blame and shame, But God is so good at offering me hope every now and again, giving me a glimpse of her unique, specialness that shines into my heart, to melt these fears.

So as we continue this tug of war between independence and support, I am learning to trust God in the process. I seek ways to rejoice in my daughters strengths, build her confidence, character and integrity, whilst ensuring she is well fed and holistically healthy. I accept the fact that I don't always get it right, and that one day she may end up on a therapist's couch and moan about all the mistakes we made raising her. Or she may one day remember our good bonding moments like this Lockdown Mothers Day, of snuggling together on the couch, enjoying delicious snacks, whist crying hopelessly through our binge watching of our favourite TV show, Greys Anatomy, and feeling strangely unified in our mask-wearing...

Freedom

On Monday, the 27 April, South Africa celebrated ‘Freedom Day’, which is when we commemorate our first post-apartheid elections held in 1994. It seemed ironic to be celebrating ‘freedom’ during the Lockdown, while the freedom of our movements were restricted, with many of us feeling imprisoned in our own homes. But it got me thinking about what freedom really means... 

Whilst freedom can certainly be a physical thing, there are so many other kinds of freedom that are still worth celebrating.

One of my favourite films ‘Amistad’ tells the moving story of West African slaves in 1839, who fought for their freedom and won. They knew what it was like to be shackled as slaves, and cried out in desperation to be emancipated and set free.

Whilst most people today aren’t physically bound, unless maybe in prison, true liberation from spiritual bondage still eludes many. In John 8:36 we are given the wonderful promise, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” For those who have experienced the liberation of this kind of freedom (from sin, guilt, fear, shame, addiction, etc) this is certainly worthy of our praise and something to be celebrated and not taken for granted.

Jesus is our source of true emancipation and He offers forgiveness and freedom to anyone who believes in Him. He longingly awaits the cries of those who are shackled by unbelief, fear or failure.

Freedom is a matter of the heart and a state of mind. Even when Paul was physically bound in prison, he still maintained an attitude of freedom, and so can we.

Whilst the Lockdown may have curtailed our movement, it has certainly not silenced our voice, it has not stopped our imagination and it has not banned our learning or restricted our growth.

What freedoms do you enjoy that are worth celebrating? What areas in your life are in bondage that you need Jesus to free you from today?

Marriage Under Lockdown

Whilst I have laughed at all the many husband and wife jokes that have gone viral during the lockdown, I am also acutely aware that spending 24/7 with your spouse might not be a laughing matter for some of us. Having said that, it has however become a great taster of what we can expect once we are both retired. So if spending 24/7 with your spouse is proving a challenge, then this blog is for you.

I was reminded of that cliche of how our spouse ‘completes’ us, and the well known fact that opposites attract. What we may see as our husbands strengths and weaknesses could be our opposites and visa versa.

A recent sermon I heard at Shofar, Century City, made me realize how a wife is to be regarded as favour from God.

The truth is that marriage is a reflection and pattern of Adam and Eve. God designed Eve with a special purpose to be part of Adam’s salvation and helpmeet. The word helpmeet means a helpful companion.

We are to help our husbands, when they cannot help themselves. He should consider us his best friend and someone they should always be able to depend on, no matter what. Just like Eve was created from Adam’s rib, the ribs protects our vital organs, likewise, so must the wife protect her husband and his heart.

God blessed women with the gift of intuition, which is a gift passed onto her husband, should he heed it.

From the staggering Divorce rates, it is obvious that Satan seeks to destroy marriages, because he knows that there is strength in unity and without marriage, families are vulnerable to crumble and be destroyed.

Wives are responsible for their husbands spiritual protection. We need to be praying for him daily. In fact, we mirror and represent the Holy Spirit to them, by being their advisor, encourager, counselor, helper and comforter.

To quote a great analogy that was shared in the sermon, marriage is like a Rally Race. The husband is the driver and the wife is the navigator. To win the race, they have to work well as a team. The husband may give the direction and control the speed, but it’s the wife who can look ahead to see the blind spots and look out for dangers ahead. It is our jobs to advise them of these. Yes, the road ahead will be full of gravel, bumps and unexpected turns, but when we both keep our eyes on the road ahead, acknowledging and appreciating our need of each other, then we will function how God purposed marriage to be and it will thrive!

Our spouses may have a different way of handling and reacting to this lockdown, and it may feel like you are clashing heads right now or not seeing eye to eye, but may you be reminded that you are both on the same team. Listening to their opinions, even when we don’t agree, allows us to be their sounding board to get things off their chest. When we consider this as our sacrifice, it makes them feel heard and loved, and will make them more receptive to hear us when we need to vent. But keep in mind, even when you disagree, that’s okay. Accept their opinion and agree to disagree. Our jobs aren’t to make them see things our way or to change their opinion. I like to believe that God made us different so we will always have another perspective to consider.

And last but not least, Feminists or single woman may believe that they have no need of a man to fulfill their lives, but it is important to keep in mind that there is a man out there that needs you!

So as this lockdown continues, thank God that you are not in it alone, and appreciate and celebrate the blessing of your spouse.

Patience to Perform

Whilst most of the world under lockdown are free to take their dogs for long, leisurely walks along the beach, South Africa has chosen to ban dog-walking altogether. For many, like myself, who live in an apartment complex, as opposed to a freestanding or terraced house with a private garden, this has been a huge challenge and feels punishingly cruel. It took me a whole week to convince our Managing Agent and Body Corporate that taking our dog downstairs to the communal lawn within our complex, to do her business, aka ablution, was not the same as taking her for a walk for exercise. The fact that she has to walk there, is besides the point.

So after a week of dealing with one confused, desperate dog, who was forced to succumb to doing it on our balcony, we are now back on the small bit of luscious grass, much to the delight of Coco! Unfortunately it seems she is now out of sync and needs some urgent bowel reprogramming. 

However, in this process I have learnt an important lesson - dogs do not like to be rushed or forced to do it quick! It is much like trying to hush a crying baby when you're stressed out, frustrated or anxious, or trying to potty train, for that matter. I think babies, children and dogs can somehow sense our energy, and if we are not calm or patient, we will fail hopelessly at getting the results we so desperately want... In fact, we can actually make things worse and will see no result at all, no matter how long or hard we keep trying.  

I have had to change my perspective and resolve myself to the fact that unproductive trips are not a waste of my time. We still got to visit with nature and enjoy a bit of fresh air, and whilst my soul was calmed through listening to the birds, Coco enjoyed sniffing to her heart's content and take a cooling sprawl on the grass. 

Coco needs to do a whole lot of sniffing before she finds the perfect spot, and although at times it may feel like we are walking in circles, she needs my cheering patience before she will be ready to perform! 

So with lesson learnt, I pass it on - if you want a good result, be sure to breathe deeply, remain calm and be extra-patient, no matter what the situation... Dog, or no dog. 

From the Cross to the Tomb

You may think it strange that we call the day that our Lord Jesus was beaten, bruised and crucified a ‘Good’ day, but it’s because we already know the ending of the book.  We know that at the end, we all live happily ever after.  As gruesome as Jesus’s death was, we can remember that He had to die in order that we may live eternally that knowing it was His Father's will, He was prepared to suffer for it. As we recall John 3:16, we know that it was because God loved us so much that He was prepared to sacrifice His only son in order to redeem us from the gates of Hell and reunite us to live with Him eternally.

Much like a funeral, where instead of focusing on the death itself, we get to celebrate the person's life and what Jesus's death represents. Yes, we should feel sorrow and remorse for our sins, that caused the great lengths of suffering that Jesus had to endure, but we can also use Good Friday to remember God’s goodness in offering us a Saviour, and be eternally grateful for it.

Being a symbolic person, I have a few traditions and rituals that I like to enjoy on this long weekend.  For one, I like to wear red on Good Friday to symbolize Jesus’s blood that was shed for me.  I also like to wear something with a butterfly that reminds me that just like their cocoon, Jesus lay wrapped up in a tomb, but that He would came out of it like a glorious butterfly. I also make a point of joining many other Christians in South Africa by eating pickled fish – for me, it is a reminder that Jesus was a fisher of men, and calls us to be the same, and to acknowledge the spices that was used for Jesus’s burial and the vinegar that He was offered to drink on the cross.

On Resurrection Sunday, commonly referred to as Easter, I try to make a point of wearing the colour purple, the colour of royalty, to acknowledge that our Risen Jesus was truly the King. I make sure I have a Hot Cross Bun for breakfast and for lunch or dinner lamb is on the menu, remembering that Jesus was the perfect, spotless Lamb, without any blemish, that was sacrificed on the altar of the cross for all humanity, including me.  And as I enjoy my lamb with my mint sauce, I am reminded of my commit-‘mint’ to follow Him always, no matter what!

Corny I know, but how ever you choose to celebrate the special events of this long weekend, may it be a meaningful occasion for you. Let it be a time to remember your loving Lord and Savior Jesus, on the cross, to the tomb and then Risen and Alive… 
           
  

Psalms 23 : Lying down in Green Pastures

As the world receded into their homes to curb the spread of the Coronavirus, I was reminded how, like sheep, God is making us 'lie down in green pastures'. To lie down is to be in a state of rest and the green pastures represents our lush provision for both our spiritual and physical needs. If Jesus is to be our Bread of Life, then we need to be feeding from His Word, the Bible. Not just rushed appetisers, but delicious, heaped portions to savour and enjoy, that will leave us feeling full and satisfied. Only the correct portion of the right kind of food will be able to properly sustain and grow us.

It is interesting to note that sheep will only lie down if they are content and satisfied, without any worry or fear. Could this be why we may be finding it so hard to be at rest right now, especially within our homes, with the added demands of kids and increased pressures? You may be feeling anxious and fearful, unable to rest and just 'do nothing', or you may be trying to continue to work from home, pretending that everything is still normal. You may be pacing your floor with worry over an uncertain future and you may have become obsessed, like so many of us, with this virus, that has taken over every aspect of our lives. 

Today I want to challenge you to take a deep breath, knowing that this is all out of our control and the only control we have right now is how we choose to respond to it, and by staying home so we can stay safe, and finding rest for our soul. Whilst many are fighting to beat this disease, there are just as many people struggling with dis-ease, not knowing how to find the peace or the kind of rest that God wants to offer us. 

We can either choose to remain disgruntled or we can use this opportunity to right all the wrongs in our lives. By submitting to this need for isolation, and appreciating its objective, we can turn this difficult situation into a life-changing experience. If we change our perspective, we will see this time as a precious gift of rest, a time to recharge ourselves both spiritually and physically.

Are your meal times with God not leaving you full or nourished? If you are not feeling content to 'lie down', then perhaps your meals of feeding in His green pastures need some adjusting.

While it seems ironic that where once we were urged to stay positive, with the Coronavirus, that has become a negative, so instead, lets all remain optimistic and not lose hope. Our lives will eventually return to a new normal, and when it does, we can either be the same dis-eased person, or we can come out of this hibernation well fed well rested and content - the choice is yours...

Happy Holy-days!

When I first found out that the church I currently attend, namely Shofar Century City, was closed during the Christmas period, I was both shocked and confused.  Why would a church not have a service for one of its most important celebratory events?

Although I am still disappointed by this, I now understand why from a recent sermon I heard - the church places such an importance on going away on holiday, that the majority of the congregation would not be present to attend!

I learnt that the word holiday comes from holy-day - a time set apart, doing things out of the normal, something special and sacred.

For most of us, we reward ourselves with rest after a hard days work. Our definition of rest is hugely flawed in thinking that vegetating on the couch, mindlessly watching TV or doing nothing, will bring us the rest we are after.

However, biblical rest is the complete opposite! We are commanded to honour the Sabbath by spending time with God.  This is God's spiritual nourishment that fuels us into feeling recharged and energised to do another weeks work.  Did you get that? Rest is suppose to come before hard work, and not the other way round!

God warns us to take rest seriously - so much so, that in 2 Chronicles 36:20-21 God punished them for not observing the Sabbath.  So if a weekly rest is so important, how much more is an annual one, where we can reflect on the past year and prepare ourselves for a new one!

We all have our favourite idea of the perfect holiday - whether it be camping, lying on the beach or going on a safari - there is a common denominator that is found in God's creation.  When we connect with God through nature, we will find rest for our weary souls and be refreshed. 

Although I do not enjoy camping myself, some might say from the Feast of the Tabernacles, where God commanded his people to build a shelter (tent) and spend 7 days in it, that God certainly does!

Rest is not a destination, but a starting point. We are able to work hard when we have spent time resting in God's presence, and thus recharging our batteries when we spiritually connect to the source of our power.

Rest is both a principle to obey and a blessing to enjoy!

So this festive season, I challenge you to set aside as many days as you are able to, to stop working and REST - (Restore - Energise - Strengthen - Transform)

And as you do so, may you be ready to start working hard again, to achieve all your goals set for 2020!