Connect instead of Communicate

Whilst many of us have improved at keeping in touch with family and friends since the Lockdown began, we may have failed to authentically engage and connect in a meaningful way. The fact that many of our contacts might be suffering from loneliness, anxiety, worry or even depression, we will never know this if we fail to ask the right questions. Although sharing inspirational or funny Whatsapps or other social media pictures may communicate that we thought of them, it does not help to lighten their load or help them in anyway.

I have recently discovered that although these quick picture messages are well intended and are appreciated, they do little to intimately connect with another. There is nothing as special as being sent a heartfelt message inquiring of your situation and what you are going through. Ashamedly, had I known this, I would have learnt that a friend who had lost her job, could no longer afford her rent and was forced to move back in with her parents, or that another friend had been in bed with the Coronavirus, or another suffering from depression, not to mention the many other prayer needs I had failed to enquire about.

In all honesty, and in my defense, although I call them my friends, the correct relationship status would be an acquaintance, something we seem to have distorted, thanks to Facebook. A valid excuse for choosing to communicate instead of spending that extra time to intimately connect, is that we lead busy lives and don't always have the time. Or it could be that we have become so self-absorbed in our own problems, that we fail to think of others.

Whatever the reason, I've discovered a solution which I thought was worth sharing.  Each morning, as you spend time in prayer, ask God to bring to your mind just 3 people who need your encouragement and time.  Then instead of sharing all those picture messages to one and all, use your time that day instead to meaningfully engage and connect with those 3 people God has laid on your heart.  However you choose to connect, be sure to honestly ask them how they are doing, how you can help them and what prayer needs they may have and then be sure to listen, to respond and to act accordingly!

And as the receiver of a meaningful connection, let us all be bold and brave enough to be truthful, instead of just responding with the customary "I'm fine"... for only when we choose to be honest with ourselves and with others, can we begin to find the inner healing and growth that God has in store for us...

To change or Not to Change...

In every relationship there is bound to be a conflict of ideas and opinions - only because God deliberately made us all very different, for a reason!  Recently, I've discovered the TV program 'Being Erica' and I honestly feel that through watching it, I am being healed of some of my past baggage. The basic theme in these episodes are about dealing with the regrets in your life through the eyes of Erica, who is counseled by a therapist, someone I've come to relate in my own life as 'God'.  In last week's episode, the drama was about relationships and how we so often try to manipulate our partners into changing to become the person we have created a mold for. We want them to react and behave in a certain way, and when they don't, we get annoyed. The truth is that no matter how much we want them to change, our nagging or cohersions will not make it so.  We are powerless to attempt it and it is a pointless, frustrating endevour to think we can. I have come to learn that we can only change others by first changing ourselves. When we decide to change how we react in certain circumstances, being mindful in how we respond to them, we will soon see many favourable results. The only power we have to change ourselves is by controlling our reactions and to consistently seek God's help in prayer. I believe it is possible to heal all kinds of relationships in this way, even marriage, but only when we do the changing first. We also need to learn to love our spouses for who they are, warts and all! Only when we are able to focus on their good points, will their flaws seem less annoying!