Breaking the Circle of Abuse

In all relationships, both in friendships and in marriage, we usually treat the other person the way they treat us, either good or bad. Unless of course, we have become so spiritually mature that we are able to treat others the way we are meant to, despite how badly they treat us!

Sometimes when we become offended, or we have a fall out, we begin to play the tit-for-tat game, treating the other as badly as they treat us. This is particularly true in marriages where the silent treatment is often played out. And being human, we are often just as stubborn as the other, refusing to break the cycle of negative behaviour. It thus takes a very obedient will to be the first one to break the circle/cycle of abuse.
I learnt this lesson at a time when my husband and I had a rather nasty row, caused by a petty disagreement of opinion, and had chosen to ignore each other. Logically, you would have thought that we would have put on loud music to make some noise, but instead we crept along the house in dead silence, as if to magnify our defiance in not speaking to the other! This pitiful behaviour continued for a few days (yes, I realise the Bible says not to go to bed on your anger ) Which is why I think God needed to teach me this lesson, and quick! I was making myself a cup of coffee when I clearly heard the Holy Spirit tell me to make my husband one too. Of course, I thought that was totally absurd and I instantly refused, but when the promptings in my spirit got stronger, I knew I had to obey, so did so reluctantly. I made him a cup of coffee, just the way he liked it, and went up to give it to him, trying very hard to avoid his eyes and not say a word. What that unusual and small gesture taught me was that sometimes one of us has to choose to make the first move towards breaking the circle. It was such a simple act of unexpected kindness, making a cup of coffee for my so-called enemy, yet it had the power to melt the grudge and put us both back on a path to reconciliation. So if you have someone who you are not on speaking terms with, learn from this lesson today! Don't wait for them to make the first move! You have to decide to be the bigger person by obeying God to forgive and restore peace. Imagine yourself taking your sword of faith and cutting that circle and making it a straight line, a path that both of you can walk forward together into a happier relationship.